I am now 23 weeks pregnant. I delivered the boys at 22 1/2 weeks so Toby and I are very relieved to have made it to this point. We are both getting very excited to finally have our little baby join our family. I started going through the baby clothes last night. We have a mountain of newborn clothes. I got very excited looking through them...we have some adorable outfits too. We bought his outfit to come home from the hospital in. It's a little blue and white striped onesie that has a weiner dog on it and it says "hot diggity dog".
We had a good and relaxing Christmas. My parents came down on Wed and left Sunday morning. We went to the Zoo on Saturday, it was 73 degrees out and we needed something to do outside. We then went and ate at the Blackstone Brewery. They make their own beer and have a restaurant there too. I had a pepperoni, tomato and mushroom pesto pizza. It was good! Although my parents and Toby got the pleasure of enjoying some fresh Blackstone beer. That is the hardest part about being pregnant...not getting to enjoy some good beer especially around the holidays.
Well, I am looking forward to 2009. 2008 was a lot better than 2007 and I know 2009 will be even better. We are starting the New Year credit card debt free and will have the car paid off in about 6 months and we have a little one on the way. What a great way to start off 2009...stress free!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
20 weeks pregnant
Well, I am officially half way there. I'm very anxious to make it to 23 weeks as the boys were born just before I made it to 23 weeks. From there on it is all new territory. We had a small scare this week. On Monday morning I started getting cramps and low back pain. It was exactly how everything started last time. I called my hubby and he told me to call my dr. So, the nurse told me to go ahead and come in and they would check me out. I rode the bus that day so Toby had to come pick me up from work which was fine with me. We were both scared b/c the last time was so chaotic. I went in, dr checked me and said I was 5cm dilated. I was rushed over to the hospital, rushed into a gown and they shoved iv's and medications in me before I even had a chance to sign anything. We were so scared that the news would be the same. But, dr checked me out and said my cervix is still fully closed (inside and out) and that he thought it was probably muscular pains. We got a quick peek at our little boy again and he was just bouncing around in me. He told me if it did get worse or I had any hestitations to come back in. He is the dr that delivered the boys so he knows how paranoid we are about any pains, etc. Apparently we were very worried when we went in b/c we couldn't remember where we parked when we left. We rode up and down the elevator a few times in the garage before we found it. I've had some more cramps and back pain this week but it has not gotten worse. I went in for my 20 week appt on Friday and everything was checked again. Cervix is still fully closed which is like hearing I won the lottery. They did the indepth ultrasound and he weighs about 13 ounces (he is measuring 20 wk and 3 days). Everything is functioning like it should. He does have one cyst on his brain. We need to go back in 4 wks for another ultrasound to make sure it is getting smaller or it is gone. Dr. said he has never had one yet that didn't resolve itself. Apparently it is fairly common. So we are not too worried about that. I have posted pics of the ultrasound on flickr. His profile reminds me of the boys. I think he might have the same nose and lips but I think they have different chins. I guess we'll find out in a few months. I just can't wait til all this is over. I enjoy being pregnant but not all the pains and aches and worries that make me think something bad is going to happen. I also started having braxton hicks. I've been experiencing it for about a week for two now but didn't realize at first that is what is was until was sister in law said something. So many things are going on in my body, it is crazy when you think about it all. I just wish it was April and my little boy was close enough to arrive any day. Well, except that we still don't have a name for him so I guess we can wait a little bit yet. :)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Couponing 101
I've had so many people ask about my couponing so I thought I would post a few things that I have learned since I started. To get the best discounts you have to combine a coupon with a sale. This requires planning and training (on the husband). I've had to train us both to write on our grocery list when something becomes low, not out. For ex., when Toby opens up the last coffee container it goes on the list. It will keep rolling over each week to a new grocery list if I don't find a good sale. I have a notepad with a magnet on it on the fridge so we can write it down asap when we think of it.
When you find a really good deal and it is something you use, stock up! Harris Teeter triples coupons up to $.99 about every three to four months. You can only use 20 coupons a day and it usually runs 3-4 days. This last time I had coupons for chicken broth. I use it on a weekly basis when I cook meals. The chicken broth was on sale, bogo (buy one get one free) for 1.19. I had a coupon that tripled so I got $1.20 off of 3 ($.40 coupon/3 tripled). At grocery stores if a sale is 2 for $5 you don't have to buy 2. You can buy one for $2.50. Given that, the broth was basically $.60 a can x 3 = $1.80 for 3 cans minus my coupon $1.20 = $.60 for 3 cans of chicken broth. I bought 27 cans that weekend! I made three trips to Harris Teeter that weekend but it was well worth it. That is the only time I shop there. That is also the most planning I ever do for a sale.
I usually shop Kroger and cvs. I only shop HT during triple coupons and then elsewhere just depends on if there is a sale and I see it. I buy the sunday paper the following week. It is $1.75 on sunday but if I wait til Monday it is only $1. I usually buy 2 then. I also look through the coupons quickly before I buy them. That way if there is a really good coupon or set of coupons I can buy more. If it is a bad week then I only buy 1. After awhile you learn what coupons are valuable to you and what are not. That is one thing I can't tell you. It depends on your lifestyle.
Organizing my coupons took awhile to get down. Now I have a binder filled with page dividers and baseball card sleeves. I have them categorized by frozen/refrigerated foods, dry/boxed foods, canned/jar foods, pet stuff, beauty, etc. I also have a spot just for cvs and kroger coupons. When I buy 2 papers I take the like inserts and put each page of the insert together to cut them out. That way I am cutting two coupons at a time. They go into the binder and they are done. It makes it so much easier and faster when you get to the grocery store b/c thumbing through a bunch of coupons is annoying. Plus I found that I would find a good deal when I was at the store but the coupon would be home. This way I have every coupon with me.
We have a Kroger credit card. We budget $420 a month for gas and groc. I put a sticky note with the dates of our budget (ex. Nov. 19-Dec. 16) and the amount ($420) at the top. Each time we make a purchase I subtract it from the total. That way we don't go over our budget. This way we also get $.15 off a gallon of gas from Kroger and we get Kroger coupons in the mail. These are usually coupons for items that you use (they keep track by your card). We also get checks in the mail every few months made out to Kroger. I got mine the other day and we got 4 $5 checks and one $10 check. I will use one of those for the next few visits to knock off a few more dollars. Pay off the credit card each month and you have beat their system!
Cvs has a system called extra care bucks (ECB's). These print at the end of your transaction and are like instant rebates. For example, last weekend for black Friday they had sooo many like a bottle of lotion was $5.69 with $5.69 in ecb. Buy that and then you have $5.69 in ecb. The savings really come when you can combine it with a sale. I bought bic soleil razors. They were on sale for $6 with $6 in ecb. I had a coupon for $3 off. So I spent $6 out of pocket on two (they usually have a limit-this one had 2) and got $12 in ecb back to use towards future purchases. I ended up this weekend with two tubes of toothpaste, a bottle of lotion, 2 bic soleil razors, foundation makeup and powder and paid $6 out of pocket and now I have almost $20 in ecb. It takes awhile to get this system down as well.
Hotcouponworld.com is a great site. It is a forum that people post their best finds,sale ads, etc. It is categorized so if you are looking at a specific store you can find it quick. I get on their cvs part b/c they will post the ads for usually 3-4 weeks out. Oh yeah..cvs also has a monthly ecb booklet. It is monthly deals instead of weekly that all involve ecb. There are usually a few free items each month after ecb. Hotcouponworld doesn't really help me with Kroger. I use it mainly for cvs and Harris Teeter triples. There is a coupon database on there. Sometimes if you need a coupon but don't have one you can look on there and it will give you a list of where people have found coupons for that item. Sometimes they are internet ones you can print out.
Well, that is what I can think of now that will get you started. It takes time in the beginning. I was lucky that I started when I didn't have a job. Now that I have it down it only takes a little bit more time each week.
Good Luck!!
When you find a really good deal and it is something you use, stock up! Harris Teeter triples coupons up to $.99 about every three to four months. You can only use 20 coupons a day and it usually runs 3-4 days. This last time I had coupons for chicken broth. I use it on a weekly basis when I cook meals. The chicken broth was on sale, bogo (buy one get one free) for 1.19. I had a coupon that tripled so I got $1.20 off of 3 ($.40 coupon/3 tripled). At grocery stores if a sale is 2 for $5 you don't have to buy 2. You can buy one for $2.50. Given that, the broth was basically $.60 a can x 3 = $1.80 for 3 cans minus my coupon $1.20 = $.60 for 3 cans of chicken broth. I bought 27 cans that weekend! I made three trips to Harris Teeter that weekend but it was well worth it. That is the only time I shop there. That is also the most planning I ever do for a sale.
I usually shop Kroger and cvs. I only shop HT during triple coupons and then elsewhere just depends on if there is a sale and I see it. I buy the sunday paper the following week. It is $1.75 on sunday but if I wait til Monday it is only $1. I usually buy 2 then. I also look through the coupons quickly before I buy them. That way if there is a really good coupon or set of coupons I can buy more. If it is a bad week then I only buy 1. After awhile you learn what coupons are valuable to you and what are not. That is one thing I can't tell you. It depends on your lifestyle.
Organizing my coupons took awhile to get down. Now I have a binder filled with page dividers and baseball card sleeves. I have them categorized by frozen/refrigerated foods, dry/boxed foods, canned/jar foods, pet stuff, beauty, etc. I also have a spot just for cvs and kroger coupons. When I buy 2 papers I take the like inserts and put each page of the insert together to cut them out. That way I am cutting two coupons at a time. They go into the binder and they are done. It makes it so much easier and faster when you get to the grocery store b/c thumbing through a bunch of coupons is annoying. Plus I found that I would find a good deal when I was at the store but the coupon would be home. This way I have every coupon with me.
We have a Kroger credit card. We budget $420 a month for gas and groc. I put a sticky note with the dates of our budget (ex. Nov. 19-Dec. 16) and the amount ($420) at the top. Each time we make a purchase I subtract it from the total. That way we don't go over our budget. This way we also get $.15 off a gallon of gas from Kroger and we get Kroger coupons in the mail. These are usually coupons for items that you use (they keep track by your card). We also get checks in the mail every few months made out to Kroger. I got mine the other day and we got 4 $5 checks and one $10 check. I will use one of those for the next few visits to knock off a few more dollars. Pay off the credit card each month and you have beat their system!
Cvs has a system called extra care bucks (ECB's). These print at the end of your transaction and are like instant rebates. For example, last weekend for black Friday they had sooo many like a bottle of lotion was $5.69 with $5.69 in ecb. Buy that and then you have $5.69 in ecb. The savings really come when you can combine it with a sale. I bought bic soleil razors. They were on sale for $6 with $6 in ecb. I had a coupon for $3 off. So I spent $6 out of pocket on two (they usually have a limit-this one had 2) and got $12 in ecb back to use towards future purchases. I ended up this weekend with two tubes of toothpaste, a bottle of lotion, 2 bic soleil razors, foundation makeup and powder and paid $6 out of pocket and now I have almost $20 in ecb. It takes awhile to get this system down as well.
Hotcouponworld.com is a great site. It is a forum that people post their best finds,sale ads, etc. It is categorized so if you are looking at a specific store you can find it quick. I get on their cvs part b/c they will post the ads for usually 3-4 weeks out. Oh yeah..cvs also has a monthly ecb booklet. It is monthly deals instead of weekly that all involve ecb. There are usually a few free items each month after ecb. Hotcouponworld doesn't really help me with Kroger. I use it mainly for cvs and Harris Teeter triples. There is a coupon database on there. Sometimes if you need a coupon but don't have one you can look on there and it will give you a list of where people have found coupons for that item. Sometimes they are internet ones you can print out.
Well, that is what I can think of now that will get you started. It takes time in the beginning. I was lucky that I started when I didn't have a job. Now that I have it down it only takes a little bit more time each week.
Good Luck!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
15 things that change when you have a baby
I got this in an email the other day and really liked some of them so I thought I would share it with other parents.
These are 15 things that change when you have a baby
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
These are 15 things that change when you have a baby
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
felt our baby move
I sat at work in amazement this morning (and really didn't want to work) because I was feeling our baby move for really the first time. I had felt he/she kick once last week but that was it. For about an hour or two this morning I just kept feeling twitches and pokes...they weren't huge movements but definitely enough that I could tell it was more than gas-hehe. It was also in the same area of my belly that I felt the kick last weekend and the same area where I have found the baby's heartbeat. So..I'm pretty convinced it is the baby I am feeling. I can't wait until Toby can start feeling the baby too. I remember last time I felt the babies for a week or two before you could feel them on the outside. I'm getting more and more comfortable that things are going ok with this baby. I have been doing good but there is a part of me and I keep trying to shove that part to the back of my head that thinks something bad will happen. I haven't been letting it affect me but it's still there sometimes...just waiting. We have an ob clinic at my office on Thurs morning for pregnant pt's with diabetes. We had a couple today that lost their baby. It's sad to see them walk out. It takes me back...there is nothing you can do or say to bring their baby back. The only thing I can offer if they come to check out with me is that I too have lost two babies and that I understand what they are going through. This girl wasn't too far along in her pregnancy so I'm pretty sure she was considered a miscarry but it still sucks to see it happen. That is the second pt I have seen walk out comprehending the news that was just told to them...this baby will not survive. Sorry to end this post on a bad note but I guess that's just the way my thoughts ran.
I will end this on a good note instead...Melissa and Josie will be arriving at our house in a few hours. I'm excited to get to spend the weekend with them!
I will end this on a good note instead...Melissa and Josie will be arriving at our house in a few hours. I'm excited to get to spend the weekend with them!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
my belly
Here is the pic I said I would post. This was taken at 14 weeks. It's definitely popping out. I had some people ask at work the other day "Where have you been hiding that belly?"
Monday, October 27, 2008
getting excited for our baby
I am 14 weeks now. Last week was really the first time I have had a thought about doing something with this baby when he/she arrives. I was thinking about how he/she is due in April so that means we could take the baby to a ball game this summer. That was something we dreamed about doing with the boys. Dressing them up (but not alike) in little baseball outfits going to a game. I think subconsciously I was not letting myself have these thoughts with this baby, until the other day. I am finally realizing that this baby will be coming and I can't wait to meet him/her. I was actually thinking about how it's a girl and what kind of outfit would we dress her in to go to a baseball game. Surely they must have little pink onesies with baseballs on them. Toby thinks it is a boy...guess we'll just have to wait and see. We went to a zombie walk yesterday. It was national zombie day and they were hosting a walk downtown. So, of course Toby and I went dressed as zombies (see flickr for pics). While we were there I felt the baby move for the first time. It made Toby and I laugh. Apparently our baby loves zombies as much as Toby does...that's his little girl (I mean baby-hehe). I'll try and post a pic of my belly tonight. It's pooching out a little more.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Baby things are ridiculous!
So...we already have a car seat for our baby. When I was pregnant with the boys we had purchased a double stroller with 2 car seats. We held on to it for awhile after we had the boys but then decided to sell the stroller and one car seat while they were still current rather than wait til I got pregnant (since we didn't know when that would be) without twins, it wasn't current and then we couldn't sell it for as much. So to make a long story short we have a car seat but no manual. I was looking at it and couldn't figure out how you make the straps bigger or smaller. So, I went to the internet and found the manual for the stroller/carseat combination. The manual is 125 pages!! That is so ridiculous. I think they do it on purpose just to make pregnant hormonal moms even crazier...haha...I have decided that I found the manual and that is good enough for now. After all, I do have 6 months to figure it out.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
11 week bump
Here is a pic of my growing belly. I know it's not very big yet but it's a start. If you look at my flickr page I also have a sound clip of the baby's heartbeat. The clinic that I work in has a doppler so I used it today and recorded it with my phone. I'm feeling really good right now and have been for the last week.
We also made a trip last weekend to the smoky mountains. It was soooo great!! I have all the pics up on flickr.
Toby and I are getting ready for our favorite holiday - Halloween! We are excited on top of that b/c Melissa and Josie will be here. I can't wait to have Josie in our house again. We used to have an entertainment stand that had drawers in it. When Josie was coming over all the time we kept her toys in that drawer. About a month ago, we bought a new tv and stand and I took her toys out when we moved it. It was really wierd and almost like I was saying good bye even though I know I'm not (if that makes any sense). I don't know why I just thought of that...I've been feeling sentimental & nostalgic lately (pregnancy hormones??) I've been thinking of the boys a lot lately. So far, I have not had a complete break down about them or this new baby. I think I am just really excited to be pregnant and to have the reality of a baby coming into our house. I know the reality is that I can never have my boys here with me alive and I know I cannot replace them but I can have a brother or sister for them. I know I will enjoy this pregnancy but this time I don't even care about being pregnant. I just want to skip to the moment where I am being wheeled out of the hospital with a baby in my arms. That is my dream...and it WILL be fulfilled SOON!!
Sorry I'm rambling...bye for now...
Sunday, September 28, 2008
due date moved
So, Toby and I went to the dr on Friday for my 10 wk appt. He had originally given me a due date of Apr 11th which I realized after I got home was about 38 weeks not 40. So I asked him when I went on Friday and he said he must have had a brain fart. So, my due date is April 25th now which is at 40 weeks. It is also my moms b-day and 9 days after my brother and I's b-day (were five years apart). So, we'll have another April b-day to add to our b-day celebrations! I guess we'll have lots of April b-days to celebrate on both my side and the Redden side of the family with three little ones all due within days of each other. We also got to hear the heartbeat. Everything seems to be going just fine.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
found a cute ultrasound
So...looking ahead at next week (10 weeks) I found this page with a funny little ultrasound. The baby looks like it is pushing off the uterus. It's quite funny. Just click on the link below and scroll down the page to see it.
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/U/Ultrasound
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/U/Ultrasound
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Josie does the itsy bitsy spider
My niece Josie who is 1 1/2 (already!) learned the motions to the itsy bitsy spider. It is so freakin cute that I had to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U_ov4XrENI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U_ov4XrENI
Friday, September 19, 2008
My pooch & other wierd pregnancy things
So..I know they say every pregnancy is different and they are right. I have had more cravings and wierd things with this one so far. One night I wanted ice cream with applesauce on it so bad. I didn't do it so still not sure if that's a good combo or not. I've been hungry for hamburger, powdered sugar donuts (had that with the first pregnancy too), constantly thirsty, chicken nuggets and french fries and fries in a frosty. I haven't fulfilled them all...some due to sheer laziness b/c we don't have them in the house. Although I ate chicken nuggets and fries twice last week. Also, I can't stand to have shoes on right now. When I am home, I kick off the shoes and spread open the toes. The wind coming through them is the best feeling ever-I know it's wierd.
I am officially 9 weeks tomorrow (Saturday). I thought I would include a little picture of my growing belly. It hasn't grown much but just enough that most of my pants are tight and uncomfortable. I am slowly weeding out my old pants and replacing them with the elastic band pants.
I did get to hear our little baby's heart beat yesterday. I borrowed the doppler at work and tried to find it for several minutes. I was just about to give up when I found it. I got my phone out to record it so Toby could hear it and then I lost it. I couldn't find it again. I have a dr's appt in a week so we will both get to hear his/her little heart beat then.
My husband loves me for many reasons and saving money is one of them.
Harris Teeter, one of our local grocery stores triples coupons up to 99cents every 3-4 months. You can only use 20 coupons a day so this was a two day event for me. This is usually a chance to stock up on condiments, side dishes, cleaning supplies and personal hygene items. I did pretty good so I thought I would post my two day shopping trip. Here is what I bought:
Trip 1
3 pouches of Betty Crocker potatoes
2 Boxes of rice (each contain 4 boil bags of rice)
1 brick of Folgers coffee
1 4pk of toilet paper
1 jar of salsa
4 cans of refried beans
1 bottle of olive oil
1 tube of colgate toothpaste
3 tubes of refrigerated rolls
Total was $12, saved $36
My great deals were: toothpaste-made 75cents on it, refried beans-all were free, and olive oil-normally $6 got for $2.75
Trip 2
4 muffin mixes (2 strawberry & 2 raspberry)
2 cornbread mixes
2 10packs of juice boxes
1 brick of Folgers coffee
large bottle of Mr. Clean cleaner
bottle of soy sauce
bottle of franks red hot sauce
1 jar of salsa
2 boxes of snack bars (like a granola bar)
2 cans of campbells soup
1 bottle of olive oil
1/2 pound of ground beef
Total was $17, saved $39
My great deals were: juice boxes-paid 50 cents for 10 boxes, olive oil again, soy sauce-paid 40cents, hot sauce -made 20 cents and mr. clean-paid 50 cents.
I spend about an hour each week to clip and organize my coupons and it definitely pays off when triples roll around!!
Trip 1
3 pouches of Betty Crocker potatoes
2 Boxes of rice (each contain 4 boil bags of rice)
1 brick of Folgers coffee
1 4pk of toilet paper
1 jar of salsa
4 cans of refried beans
1 bottle of olive oil
1 tube of colgate toothpaste
3 tubes of refrigerated rolls
Total was $12, saved $36
My great deals were: toothpaste-made 75cents on it, refried beans-all were free, and olive oil-normally $6 got for $2.75
Trip 2
4 muffin mixes (2 strawberry & 2 raspberry)
2 cornbread mixes
2 10packs of juice boxes
1 brick of Folgers coffee
large bottle of Mr. Clean cleaner
bottle of soy sauce
bottle of franks red hot sauce
1 jar of salsa
2 boxes of snack bars (like a granola bar)
2 cans of campbells soup
1 bottle of olive oil
1/2 pound of ground beef
Total was $17, saved $39
My great deals were: juice boxes-paid 50 cents for 10 boxes, olive oil again, soy sauce-paid 40cents, hot sauce -made 20 cents and mr. clean-paid 50 cents.
I spend about an hour each week to clip and organize my coupons and it definitely pays off when triples roll around!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
camping in Southern Indiana
Toby and I went camping with Jeff and Laura last weekend near Evansville, In. We met another couple there that lives in Chicago. In fact, it was their family reunion but they invite us along. We had a great time and all was fairly uneventful until Saturday night. There was a large white ring around the moon. We all wondered about it but didn't think much of it. Then I woke up Sunday morning to raindrops on my face. So, Toby and I got up and put the rain flap over the tent. We slept a little bit more. I woke up and took a shower and came back to Laura peeking her head out of the tent. She was worried b/c it was very windy. So, I called the parents and had my dad look up the radar and he said it would start raining heavily within an hour. So, we started packing up the gear and got everything into the car about a minute after it started raining. Our friends from Chicago were getting ready to leave but they had rented a cabin. So, being the nice friends that they are, they let us hang out in their cabin after they were gone. Soon after, the power went out. We waited til early afternoon before we decided it would be safe enough to make the 10 mile drive to town. Oh yeah...the guys rode their motorcycles so there was no way they could have driven earlier with the wind and rain and there was no way they could fit in the car with our gear and two dogs. It looked like a tornado had ripped through the area. It was very scary to think that we were in tents during most of that. We got to Dairy Queen (one of the few restaurants that had power) and ate real food finally. We had been eating snack foods all day since the power was out and it was too windy to use the camping stove. After that we went to two hotels (the only two in town) before we found one with power (their satellite was out so no tv but it was better than no power at all). The guys stayed overnight there and us girls and the dogs drove home that night in the car. Turns out that it was storms from the hurricane that came through and their were wind gusts up to 66mph. Everyone made it home safe but wow...what an adventure!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Only 1 baby this time!
I went to the dr today and we also had an ultrasound done. We only have one baby this time! Dr. said everything looked good and we got to see it's little heart beating away on the screen. I know it doesn't look like much now. The circle thing on the right is the yolk sac and the long skinny thing next to it is the baby. Since what happened with the boys was a condition related only to identical twins, we are very confident that we'll be bringing this one home with us. I am 6 weeks tomorrow and the baby is measuring at 6 wk and 3 days. They gave me a due date of April 11th (my b-day is the 16th). Maybe I'll get a nice b-day present this year!
Kendra
Friday, August 22, 2008
It's already happening.
My waist has grown an inch and a half this week. It's just fat right now b/c I am constantly hungry. It's crazy how something so small can make you soooo hungry. My pants are tight in the waist so it won't be long til those maternity pants come on. I have an ultrasound in one week so we will know then how many babies there are. Well, time to go eat....again!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
That's right....I'm pregnant
Well...the Kirk family is very fertile. It only took one month to conceive the boys and well...less than that for this one. We weren't going to start really trying until two weeks from now....
We think I am about three weeks along now. I will be getting an ultrasound done in a few weeks so we should know pretty quick if there is one or two beans. lol.
I'm scared but I'm sooooo excited and can't believe that it's real.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Tyler played at Soldier Field
I have to brag about my nephew. He was lucky enough to be chosen to play a football game at Soldier Field (Bears Stadium) last Friday. They played before the Bears played a pre-season game. Here is a pic of him up on the jumbo screen (he's on the left). Not many 12 year olds can say they have been up on a jumbo screen so of course Aunt Kendra has brag!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Six Flags & psychic
We went to Six Flags last weekend in Lousiville. We had a great time. We got there right when the park opened and we made it to 5 rollercoasters in 30 min! We ended up leaving early because there were no lines and we got through all the rides we wanted to go on and then some.
count down is on....1 month til we start trying for a sister/brother for Waylon and Jesse.
I went to a psychic on the boys' due date last summer. She told me some eerie stuff. She asked if I lost a baby when I asked her about my future with children. I told her I lost twins. She said I would have two boys and a girl. I didn't get if that was living children or total. She told me some more things that were dead on so I really think this time around we are going to have a little girl. I guess time will tell. She also told me that one of the twins...a boy (I didn't tell her what sex they were just that I had twins), his soul was going to come back in our next child. hhhhmmmmm.....
Kendra
count down is on....1 month til we start trying for a sister/brother for Waylon and Jesse.
I went to a psychic on the boys' due date last summer. She told me some eerie stuff. She asked if I lost a baby when I asked her about my future with children. I told her I lost twins. She said I would have two boys and a girl. I didn't get if that was living children or total. She told me some more things that were dead on so I really think this time around we are going to have a little girl. I guess time will tell. She also told me that one of the twins...a boy (I didn't tell her what sex they were just that I had twins), his soul was going to come back in our next child. hhhhmmmmm.....
Kendra
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Scared, anxious, nervous, sad, happy, fear, confused, wishful...
These are all words that describe how I feel about trying again for a baby. The plan is to start trying next month. We have a few more things to finish up and a trip to Six Flags to squeeze in before we can't go for several years again. I feel obsessed with being pregnant. It's so near and yet it feels like the time to pee on a stick and see two lines will never come again. I CAN'T WAIT! I have so many mixed emotions. I love my sons but I want to hold a child of mine so bad. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is to see a pregnant woman or a small baby and not just stare with jealousy. It's been over a year and I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of them. I still cry for them. One difference now is that I am happy when I talk about them. I just wish I could have stopped time the moment that I had them in my arms forever. I am so glad we have pictures of them, ultrasound videos and videos of each of them kicking me. These were little things then but they are priceless now. I even have the cd of all their pictures and the ultrasound video in my lock box. They are the only things that I have of them and will have forever. I want a new pregnancy and a new baby(ies). I don't want to replace Jesse and Waylon but I want the joys of knowing what it is like to be a mom to a take home baby. I dream about the day I come home from the hospital with a baby in my arms. The memory of coming home childless will haunt me forever I think. No mother (or father) should ever have to face that. I know the possibility of having twins again is there. In one way I want that (but not the pregnancy). I think I would be scared shitless to be pregnant with twins again. But, I want to see and experience all the things that were ripped away from us. But even being pregnant with one I will be scared. I will be scared, anxious, nervous, sad, happy, fearful, confused and wishful for 9 whole months. I apologize in advance to everyone if I drive you crazy. Poor Toby might need some help and support as well to be able to put up with a crazy pregnant wife who is...well...hormonal and just plain crazy.
Kendra
Kendra
Friday, June 27, 2008
Toby's new baby
We went out looking for a newer motorcycle for Toby and this is what we came home with. It only had 6 miles on it when we left the lot. We need to get a back rest for me but other than that she is ready for a nice long ride.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Driving to Illinois
Toby and I made the 10 hr drive to my parents last weekend. Even though we were going back for my great aunt's funeral it was a very enjoyable trip. We both miss Illinois; the flat corn land, the mighty Mississippi and great summer storms. All of which we got to see in our short stay. We got together with family that we hadn't seen in awhile. I had a trip down memory lane when I visited my aunt's house before we left. They will be selling it so we went to see if there was anything we wanted. In the basement is a bed and dresser. I opened up the dresser drawer and it was like revisiting the past. There was a joker card in the drawer. Instantly I remembered it was from about 8 or 9 years ago when Brandy (a cousin) was visiting and her and I and a few others were playing cards on the floor next to the bed. It's funny the things you remember. I also looked at the corner for the very last time where I slapped my little cousin. We were very young and playing hide and go seek. I was hiding in a corner at the bottom of the steps. He ran down and scared me and I slapped him. It's a great story to tell now. I also had to sit down at the organ (hopefully not for the last time). She always had one in the corner of the living room and I would sit and play-not very good either. It was sad to be leaving her house knowing that this was the last time I would ever be there. It was the only house I ever knew for my aunt and uncle and always will be.
Friday, June 6, 2008
video collage of Waylon and Jesse
I put together a video collage of the boys. I apologize, it is a tear jerker but it is a wonderful memorial to our sons.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The new "normal"
I was telling Toby the other night how I feel that I am in a "normal" state of being but that things are not "normal" like they once were. We have had to learn all over again how to feel normal. I came across this post from a good friend of mine in Ireland. This friend, lost her twins 10 days before I lost my boys. She is from Ireland, we have never met and yet I feel closer to her than some of my best friends here(read below). I am posting a few of them that really pertain to me (these were written from a grieving mother).
Normal is staring at every baby who looks like she is my baby's age.
And then thinking of the age they would be now and not being able to
imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it,
because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with
sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an
everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in
someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has
become a part of my 'normal'.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor
your child's memory and their birthday and survive these days. And
trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy
Birthday? Not really.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their
lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the
grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with
chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in
England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but
yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and
crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. 'God may have
done this because...' I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,
but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy
babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes
absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have
two children or one, because you will never see this person again and
it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when
you say you have 1 child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as
if you have betrayed your baby.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have
become 'normal' for you to feel, so that everyone around you thinks your normal.
Kendra
Normal is staring at every baby who looks like she is my baby's age.
And then thinking of the age they would be now and not being able to
imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it,
because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with
sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an
everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in
someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has
become a part of my 'normal'.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor
your child's memory and their birthday and survive these days. And
trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy
Birthday? Not really.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their
lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the
grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with
chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in
England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but
yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and
crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. 'God may have
done this because...' I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,
but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy
babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes
absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have
two children or one, because you will never see this person again and
it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when
you say you have 1 child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as
if you have betrayed your baby.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have
become 'normal' for you to feel, so that everyone around you thinks your normal.
Kendra
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Writing a book
I have decided to write a book about my experience losing Jesse and Waylon. I have become wonderful friends with Andrea and Karen, two moms that lost their twins to twin to twin transfusion syndrome also. The book will be emails between the three of us as well as posts that we posted on the ttts message board. I orginally wanted to do it for the three of us just for us to remember and see what we have all gone through in the last year. But, as I am going through the posts and emails I realize just how much that it might help new parents going through the same situation. I just hope that I can let other parents know that they are not alone in what they are experiencing. All of the books I found for grief and losing a child were so "this is what you will feel" and not personal experiences.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
We're mechanics...ok..not really..
so, Toby's bike was not running up to par, well it wasn't even starting. It would turn over so we knew it was not the battery. So, we decided instead of letting the honda dealership tow it for $50 and pay for the cost to fix that we would try ourselves. We figured the spark plugs were a good place to start. So, two trips to two auto places later and darkness outside (had to use a flashlight) we finished. Toby started it up and guess what, it worked! We were so proud of ourselves. We also filled the coolant and put some seafoam in the gas tank. it is supposed to help clean out the bike. I have heard wonders about it. We took it out for a ride and it seemed to run a lot better tonight. We plan to not stop there and figure out how to fix just about everything on it. guess we'll see what comes next and how we make out then...but for now we are dubbing ourselves as mechanics to boost our confidence. :)
Friday, April 18, 2008
Our debt
Like most americans, we have consumer debt. Toby and I got fed up with the majority of our paycheck going to debt, mortgage, car loan, school loan and credit cards. If we didn't have these, we would barely have to work...so we made it our New Years resolution to become debt free. Our first tackle is the consumer debt. The way our economy is going we knew this had to be our first priority in case they raised our interest rates, fees, etc. We have each taken on second jobs working anywhere from 52 - 57 hrs a week (which really hasn't been all that bad). We thought we had about $12,000 in credit card debt but when we sat down to add it up we were shocked to find out that we were really $15,500 in debt! But, as of today I am very proud to say that we have paid off $5,750 to bring us down to owing $9,750. I am so glad to be under the 10,000 mark. It's perfect timing too b/c we were starting to lose our motivation and were feeling like we weren't making much progress. Just a few more months and it should be all paid off. Then we have the car loan to tackle but that should be a cinch once we won't be paying anything on credit cards. So....here's a big fat congratulations to us for sticking to our new years resolution!!!
Let's not forget our whole inspiration for becoming debt free, Waylon and Jesse. They have shown me how to enjoy the little things in life,my desire for a child and that being debt free means more than just money - it means having more time to spend with loved ones and friends, being able to see the world more and to be able to bring another baby into this world and the next time into my home.
Let's not forget our whole inspiration for becoming debt free, Waylon and Jesse. They have shown me how to enjoy the little things in life,my desire for a child and that being debt free means more than just money - it means having more time to spend with loved ones and friends, being able to see the world more and to be able to bring another baby into this world and the next time into my home.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Jesse & Waylon's lantern
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The boys lantern
Above are some pictures of the lantern that we sent up in the air for the boys. Our good friend Karen from Ireland sent them to us. We set it off at Toby's parents house and each of us wrote little messages to the boys and then sent it to them.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Happy Birthday Jesse & Waylon
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
it's been one year
So, tomorrow (wed) it will have been one year since I held my sweet boys in my arms. I can't believe this day is here already.
We watched the movie Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium the other night. Mr. Magorium made a comment about death that stuck in my head. He was talking about a shakespeare play and how he is such a great writer and yet when a character died in one of his plays he ended it with a modest "he died". Then he went on to say that it's not the words "he died" that get to us but it is the life that we knew before those words that bring us tears. I am very glad that I got to see my boys live their short life but I just wish I could have seen more. I can wonder and wish all I want but it won't bring them back. I have learned to accept that.
My friend from Ireland, Karen sent me some lanterns (like small hot air balloons) for the boys. We are going to send one up this weekend at Toby's parents. We are going there to celebrate their b-days with Josie's. I will post some pictures of it going up in the air.
Well I really don't know what else to say except that I am glad to have survived this first year. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. If it hadn't been for Toby, I'm not sure where I would be.
Hopefully this next year will bring a new sister or brother to Jesse and Waylon.
Kendra
We watched the movie Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium the other night. Mr. Magorium made a comment about death that stuck in my head. He was talking about a shakespeare play and how he is such a great writer and yet when a character died in one of his plays he ended it with a modest "he died". Then he went on to say that it's not the words "he died" that get to us but it is the life that we knew before those words that bring us tears. I am very glad that I got to see my boys live their short life but I just wish I could have seen more. I can wonder and wish all I want but it won't bring them back. I have learned to accept that.
My friend from Ireland, Karen sent me some lanterns (like small hot air balloons) for the boys. We are going to send one up this weekend at Toby's parents. We are going there to celebrate their b-days with Josie's. I will post some pictures of it going up in the air.
Well I really don't know what else to say except that I am glad to have survived this first year. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. If it hadn't been for Toby, I'm not sure where I would be.
Hopefully this next year will bring a new sister or brother to Jesse and Waylon.
Kendra
Saturday, February 9, 2008
March of Dimes Walk
Hi,
I just wanted to let you all know that my mom and I are walking in the March of Dimes walk in May over Mother's Day weekend. It's the perfect way for me to celebrate being a mom of two angel boys for Mother's Day. I'm going back home and doing the walk in Clinton, Iowa, near where my parents live.
Kendra
I just wanted to let you all know that my mom and I are walking in the March of Dimes walk in May over Mother's Day weekend. It's the perfect way for me to celebrate being a mom of two angel boys for Mother's Day. I'm going back home and doing the walk in Clinton, Iowa, near where my parents live.
Kendra
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
it's been a long time
I finally decided to continue using this blog site. As you probably know, my last post was on March 8th and on March 12th, I delivered Waylon Thomas and Jesse Redden. I can't believe it has almost been a year already. In some regards it seems like it was a few months ago and yet it feels like it has been forever since I held them in my arms. I miss them everyday and there is not a day and sometimes hour that goes by when i don't think of them. I sometimes feel like I obsess over them but maybe I'm just afraid I will forget them. They were so beautiful. They had their daddy's chin and some say they had my lips...not really sure on that one. I think they had their daddy's feet too. We got to spend a few hours with them before they passed away. It was the worst and best day of my life. They say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant and a man becomes a father when he sees his child for the first time. I'm not sure about Toby but I'm very glad that I got to know my boys in my belly. Because of those 5 months with them, I do feel very much like a mother. Jesse was very active while Waylon was not quite as active. They loved to move to music. Jesse kicked me really hard one time when he heard Jeff and Toby playing guitar. I used to poke at my belly and they would poke back. Jesse liked to do it more than Waylon. I guess Jesse was probably the trouble maker...lol.
I went to therapy for awhile which helped me greatly. She helped me see what sometimes was so obvious but in my state of grief I could not see. I had five months off of work; I lost my job 4 months after I lost the boys. In the end, the bills got paid and it was the best therapy for me. I am finally after 10 months feeling like I am able to enjoy life again. I am a new person and I am still learning to like the new me. I struggled for a month or two of realizing that the old me was gone and that I had to learn to love myself again but I didn't like the new me. I cannot explain it really but if you have lost someone close to you, you probably know what I am talking about.
My niece, Josie, who was born 10 days before my boys has been a lifesaver. In the beginning, she was a depressing reminder of what I should have. I could not be around her and began to wonder if I would ever be able to. After a few months, I started seeing her in a different light. I saw her for her and not what I should have. She is the sweetest girl ever and I am so glad that I have been able to be a part of her life. She is still a reminder of what I don't have and sometimes I just stare at her thinking of the boys. Sometimes she makes me cry but it's ok. She sort of helps fill that void of what I don't have. Instead of watching my two boys grow up, I get to watch her and all of her milestones.
I have been blessed to meet two wonderful mothers out of this horrible tradegy. Karen lives in Ireland and lost her twin boys and Andrea lives in Minnesota and lost her twin girls. We all lost our babies to twin to twin transfusion. We have somehow found each other and are all helping each other out greatly. They know exactly how I feel and vice versa. Karen lost her boys on March 2nd so it seems we are usually in the same place of grief at the same time. Even though I have never met these ladies, I feel a bond so strong with them. I just hope we get the chance to meet someday (a trip to Ireland would be great!!).
signing off for the night....
Kendra
I went to therapy for awhile which helped me greatly. She helped me see what sometimes was so obvious but in my state of grief I could not see. I had five months off of work; I lost my job 4 months after I lost the boys. In the end, the bills got paid and it was the best therapy for me. I am finally after 10 months feeling like I am able to enjoy life again. I am a new person and I am still learning to like the new me. I struggled for a month or two of realizing that the old me was gone and that I had to learn to love myself again but I didn't like the new me. I cannot explain it really but if you have lost someone close to you, you probably know what I am talking about.
My niece, Josie, who was born 10 days before my boys has been a lifesaver. In the beginning, she was a depressing reminder of what I should have. I could not be around her and began to wonder if I would ever be able to. After a few months, I started seeing her in a different light. I saw her for her and not what I should have. She is the sweetest girl ever and I am so glad that I have been able to be a part of her life. She is still a reminder of what I don't have and sometimes I just stare at her thinking of the boys. Sometimes she makes me cry but it's ok. She sort of helps fill that void of what I don't have. Instead of watching my two boys grow up, I get to watch her and all of her milestones.
I have been blessed to meet two wonderful mothers out of this horrible tradegy. Karen lives in Ireland and lost her twin boys and Andrea lives in Minnesota and lost her twin girls. We all lost our babies to twin to twin transfusion. We have somehow found each other and are all helping each other out greatly. They know exactly how I feel and vice versa. Karen lost her boys on March 2nd so it seems we are usually in the same place of grief at the same time. Even though I have never met these ladies, I feel a bond so strong with them. I just hope we get the chance to meet someday (a trip to Ireland would be great!!).
signing off for the night....
Kendra
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