Roundup...Why should you care about it?

Even if you don't use Roundup, Monsanto's #1 weed killer, you should care about it. Almost every food item that you eat (unless you eat organically) comes from genetically modified seeds. I am not opposed to the idea of gmo foods because they have done some good things like making corn able to grow closer together which means you can produce more corn per acre now. However, Monsanto modifies their seeds to become immune to Roundup which means every year the fields are sprayed with Roundup to kill weeds but not the crops. The Roundup is then in the food we eat along with other toxic chemicals. Monsanto is so big that they can conduct their own studies to produce the results that make it look like these foods are safe to eat. I heard a statistic the other day that autism is up 600% over the last 20 yrs or so. I wonder why that is???? Think about how our food has evolved over the last 20 yrs. 20 yrs ago, you didn't have 15 different flavors of hamburger/tuna/chicken helper on the shelf. These overly processed boxed foods contain so much crap and chemicals in them, it's no wonder we are seeing rises in cancer, autism, birth defects, etc. Unfortunately, our country does not require that foods be labeled whether or not they contain gmo's. The only way to know right now (unless you do your own research on every item) is to buy 100% organic products. I'm so fed up with our food system (which is why Toby and I have an organic garden this year)...everything contains high fructose corn syrup as well. It's no wonder why obesity is on the rise...not to mention, I can't believe how many young teens I see with belly fat. I don't remember that when I was in school and that was less than 20 yrs ago. There is so much processed crap in our food that our bodies cannot fully digest. It makes me want to scream....Anyways, this is the article that prompted me to write this little rant.

http://redgreenandblue.org/2011/06/08/its-official-monsantos-roundup-herbicide-causes-birth-defects/

Seeds...

Pomegranate seedlings, originally uploaded by Fluffymuppet.

We purchased our seeds yesterday from www.seedsofchange.com. They are all organic, yay! However, there are way more in each packet then we will need. So, if you would like to purchase some of the seeds from me just let me know. Each packet was between $3-$4 each with about 50 seeds in each one. We are going to have a small garden so we will only need 10-15 at most...Here is a list of what we bought and if you want a description, go to seeds of change:

CARROT, RED CORE CHANTENAY
CELERY, TANGO
CORN, SWEET, HOOKERS
CUCUMBER, LEMON
MELON, EEL RIVER
ONION, NEWBURG
TOMATO, CRIMSON SPRINTER
TOMATILLO, VERDE
SQUASH, SUMMER, YELLOW CROOKNECK
PEPPER, PIMIENTO, TANGERINE
PEPPER, CAL WONDER ORANGE BELL

Monsanto...Genetically Modified...do you know these terms?

So I know I scare myself by watching documentaries about our food, but guess what? I like to know what I am eating since I know that corn is not always what it appears to be. I just read an article in Mother Earth News Magazine (which is one of my fav magazines) titled "Genetically Modified Corn-Safe or Toxic". Monsanto, one of the biggest corn processing companies, has three corn varieties being sold by Monsanto to farmers that have become the subject of a new analysis by French Scientists. Two of the varieties have been designed to kill insects that kill the plant. The third was designed to tolerate Roundup which is Monsanto's best selling herbicide. Under current u.s. law, corps are not required to make industry conducted studies public. But in this case, thanks to a lawsuit, studies were released for independent analysis by scientists NOT being paid by Monsanto. They concluded that the data, which Monsanto claimed proved the corn varieties were safe to eat, actually suggest potential kidney and liver problems resulting from consumption of all three modified corn varieties, as well as negative effects in the heart, adrenal glands and spleen.

This is just one example of how (pardon my language) fucked up our foods have become. How do you know what to eat anymore?? Even if you eat veggies/fruits from a local family farmer, you almost have to ask where they got their seeds and do your research first. Ultimately, the only way to get around it is to grow your own food with seeds that you approve of.

The more I hear about things like this, the more I just want to move to the middle of nowhere with a couple of acres. I want a large garden where I can freeze and can my own food and not have to rely on grocery store food as much.

Toby and I are in the beginning stages of planning our garden this summer. We are trying to grow as much of the fruits and veggies that we eat everyday. We also have a few fun veggies/fruits that we are going to try. I'm really hoping every year we can do a little better at our garden since it seems our politicians are not going to help make our food any safer.

New Lifestyle Changes

Toby and I have been making some changes to our lifestyle that will hopefully result in us being healthier and reducing our carbon footprint. These are extremely important to us (especially with Toby getting into the environmental field) that we felt we had to make some changes. We recycle quite a bit already but we have decided to compost. This will be better for the landfills and also help our garden. We have also decided to do raised garden beds this year. We did this when we lived in Nashville and had pretty good success.

Since we are living in my grandma's house, we don't want to tear up her yard so this is a good option for us. That being said, there are a few things we want to eventually do that we just can't do now. Mainly, that is raising chickens for meat and eggs and goats (for fun??). We went to buy a compost bin today and apparently they only sell them during gardening season and the lady questioned why we would want to compost now. If we start composting now then we'll have some good dirt ready when we plant our garden. If we wait til the stores carry them, then we can't use it til next year (or at least later in the gardening season)...make sense stores?? We have done a great job at making homemade foods and we have barely eaten boxed food in the last year. In fact, the few times we have out of necessity or time, they have tasted so salty and nasty to me that I can barely eat them. I still coupon and I am able to find ways to eat cheap without eating that crappy boxed food (hamburger helper, etc). I meal plan around what I have in the cupboard and what's on sale. We bought a bread machine and plan on making healthier homemade breads and pizza doughs. We made our first "bread" tonight in it...it was a pizza dough. I included a pic of the finished pizza. It was soooo delicious. I am definitely looking forward to making more breads in it.


I also bought a book with my xmas money called "Building Green". It discusses 4 alternative building methods, earth plaster, straw bale, cordwood and cob. I have a dream someday that we put down some roots (where, is still the question), have a little bit of land, a big garden, a few farm animals and an off the grid house. That would be the dream for both Toby and I.

We are very excited about our little changes we are making that will make a big impact on our health and earth.

Haven't blogged in awhile...

I've been out of school since the week before Christmas. It's been very nice to have almost a month off. I like school, I really do but it seems things get put on the back burner while I'm in school. It's been nice to get some things accomplished. Toby, Wyatt and I celebrated Christmas Eve at home, just the three of us. We had smoked carp, potato soup, cheese and crackers. Growing up, we always had a nicer dinner on Christmas Eve (I remember one year having live lobsters in a cooler-dead ones at dinner-lol) and then opened a few gifts. We did just the same. We had our dinner and then we opened up our gifts to each other and let Wyatt open a few. It was a very enjoyable evening. That night after Wyatt fell asleep, 'Santa' came and brought Wyatt a train set. It was all set up for him on the floor and when he woke up in the morning he got the biggest surprise ever. He didn't know what to do at first, you could tell he was really surprised. We left our house later that day to go do Christmas at my parents house with my brother and his family, my parents and grandparents. Jake and Wyatt are about a year apart and they have moments where they are very cute and moments where they just fight, which is to be expected at that age. The cute moment though (and wish I had gotten a pic) was they fell asleep in bed together watching a Thomas video. We spent Christmas evening watching Christmas Vacation, a family tradition. The next morning, Wyatt and I made the 9 hr drive to Toby's parents. Unfortunately Toby had to work. We were only able to spend 1 whole day there but it was worth it. Toby's sister from MD was there with her two girls, 4 and 2. Toby's brother was there with his wife, son (6months) and daughter (3 yrs). With Wyatt there, that made 5 kids, one born every year! It was complete chaos the first night I got there as the girls were impatiently waiting for us to get there to open presents. The rest of the trip was enjoyable and Wyatt had fun playing with his cousins. It's been nice to be home for the rest of my time off from school. I'm trying to get some things organized around this house and it's coming along. For New Years, Toby, I & Wyatt went to a friends house. There were about 4 couples there with their kids. Wyatt was still running at 11pm when I put him in bed. But his eyes were closed within seconds. Well, I won't bore you with anymore for now...I hope everyone had a great Holiday season and a great New Year!

TTTS-Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome

I received our annual donation request letter from the TTTS Foundation. It made me cry. She included a story shared on the TTTS facebook page. Amber, was diagnosed at 19 weeks with TTTS. She had laser surgery at 22 weeks and delivered her boys at 25 weeks. Dayton passed away 25 hours after he was born due to heart failure. Alex lived for 10 days and passed away from lung complications. What made me cry was this, "We spent every penny we had trying to save them. After 2 trips out of state and 10 days in the NICU, I now spend my maternity leave at home alone. I hope no one else has to go through this.". Unfortunately, I know how it is to spend your maternity leave at home, alone. I went back to work within a couple of weeks. After a week or so (time is a bit blurry), my family had gone home, friends had gone back to their normal lives, husband was back to work and I was at home alone...thinking...crying...wishing. I went back to work because I felt if I was doing something that I would be better off. In a way, I was.

Why am I writing about this? I want to spread the word of this horrible syndrome. It occurs more often than SIDS and everyone has heard of SIDS...have you heard of TTTS unless someone you know was affected by it?? My doctor never mentioned anything about it. I briefly read one paragraph about it in my twin book but it said it was rare so I didn't think much about it. Anyone that is pregnant with twins needs to be notified of this. Even if they say they are not identical. I know of moms who lost their twins to TTTS even when the doctors said they were not identical. They (dr's) can be wrong.

Mary, the founder of the TTTS foundation (www.tttsfoundation.org) had twin boys who were born premature due to ttts. One survived and one passed away. The survivor, Matthew, is now a healthy 21 year old. She founded the TTTS Foundation in honor of her sons. Mary provides information about ttts, treatment, access to medical specialists, plans of action, emotional support and a circle of care program. This program provides free airline tickets and hotel stays to get to treatment centers and pays for family expenses and bereavement costs. Bereavement costs is not something you think of when you deliver your babies...we were fortunate that a local funeral home donated their time and facility to cremate the boys and provide us with urns. Mary has a forum on her website and that is what saved me. I met other mothers who were going through the same exact thing as me at the same time. They have been wonderful friends and they honestly saved my life. Mary provided us with a packet of information specifically for dealing with the loss of your babies. It is a wonderful organization...please check it out and pass this on to help spread the awareness of TTTS, www.tttsfoundation.org.

December is Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome month in honor of Mary's sons who were born December 7th.

Small town living

After living back in Morrison, my hometown, for a year, I am still trying to adjust. Since Moved away 13 years ago, I have lived in towns about 25,000 or larger. I really love the small town life with the exception of one thing, religion. It's a large "thing" because in a small town, religion is a way of life. It's not that I'm against religion, it's just not for me. I did not grow up in a very religious household and I just never really understood what, why and how it worked for people. I don't want to offend anyone, if it works for you and your family, great. However, I still believe that I am a good person and I will instill values and morals on Wyatt and hopefully he will grow up to become a decent man.

I like a lot of the friends I have met here. However, I feel there is a wall between us because for so many of them, religion is a big part of their life. We can enjoy each others time and have fun but when it comes to talking...there is apprehension on my part. I feel as if I have to hide a part of who I am. I will say (type) it, I don't believe-gasp! I am a spiritual person, I just don't necessarily buy into the story. I guess I am sort of chickening out by typing this out as I know some of my friends will read this. We tried to go to a church here in town once to meet people. We realized though that we would be making friends based on lies. Obviously if they met us through church they would think that we believed when in fact we don't. So we decided it was not for us. I really do like the community that a church has. I think it is a wonderful thing, it's just not for me. I guess I don't know where I'm really going with this. I just wanted to vent so to speak (type). It's just the one thing that has been really hard about living in such a small town. Toby and I have not found really close friends mainly because of this one "thing" which may seem stupid to some but we would love to have close friends that we share much in common with...

Potty training

I am so impressed with how well Wyatt is doing at potty training. We have been working on and off since he was about 1 with him sitting on the potty. Well, the last few weeks we have been working at it a bit harder. Whenever we are home, he wears big boy undies. That way he will feel it when he goes potty and doesn't make as much of a mess on the floor especially if it's #2. We only have carpet in our house too so it's much easier to clean up with undies on. Well, the last few days he is getting the hang of telling me "potty" before he is actually going potty. It still is not soon enough to get him to and on the potty before he goes but I'm so proud of how quickly he is figuring it out. In fact, he has started telling me when we are out of the house that he has to go potty. I have some pull ups but I didn't want to start using them until he was trained a little better...maybe I should start using them when we are out of the house?? The other question is what do you do when you are out of the house and he says "potty" but you can't get to a potty in time or at all? I suppose even if we can't get to one in time I should still take him and sit him on it, right? I've been telling him "good job" and praising him when he tells me in public. Should I continue that when we can't get to a potty at all? Any advice on dealing with him going potty in public is greatly appreciated!!

Fall Fun!

We have been enjoying the fall in the midwest...Here are a few pics from the last few weeks.

Farm Aid

Saturday was the annual Farm Aid concert. This was our third one we have attended. We feel very strongly about supporting family farmers which is what Farm Aid is about. It all began with a concert in 1985 in Champaign to help family farmers. They did not realize that it would become a yearly thing. I can't wait til Wyatt is older and we can take him. They have booths promoting all sorts of agriculture related ideas/groups/farms, etc. We signed several petitions this year, just one of the many great things about going. If you are interested in learning more about Farm Aid and what they do, visit www.farmaid.org. It also helps that Willie Nelson is the founder of Farm Aid and anyone that knows me knows how much I love Willie! He tries to do so much for our country and sometimes I feel he accomplishes more than the president. He is a wonderful and caring man, a great musician, comedian and just plain a living legend. I have read his autobiography and if you ever care to know more about him, I highly recommend reading it. You will learn a lot about him. We visited his home in Texas one year and walked out on to his golf course. His recording studio is there and someone was inside playing when we walked by. Toby and I wished we knew who was in there so maybe we could get a peek inside...well, guess what? We found out when we got home that it was a band called Mates Of State recording in there and they were on the same label as Toby's band...go figure. We probably could have gotten in..oh well. Anyways, back to the concert. It was a great lineup this year, as always. Lukas Nelson (Willie's son) played and he was amazing. We got to see him last year too. Band of Horses was very good and I really enjoyed getting to see Norah Jones play. She is my guilty pleasure girl. Jamey Johnson played who is by far one of the greatest new country Nashville musicians. He's the real deal. Jeff Tweedy was pretty enjoyable as well. There were a few others but I'm just highlighting the ones I really liked. John Mellencamp played and he rocked my socks off like always. He just sounds so much better and fuller live. If you like him, I you definitely need to see him live....ah...soooo good. Neil Young was very enjoyable and with him you never know what you will get. Of course, Willie played last. You can tell he is getting older and just can't play as long because he always has guests to play with him some of the time. BUT he is still so good. I'm glad I got to see him play years ago when he could still rock hours worth of a set. This was my 6th or 7th time seeing him play...not really sure which. I hope there are several more and many more Farm Aid's to attend.








Me enjoying a pb &j sandwich I brought from home so I could afford $7 beers, lol.


My sil's sister (Kelly), me, Toby, Karyn (my sil) and my brother Curt.

Update

Ok...so it's been awhile. I've been super busy with school. I just finished my first real design class, Basics of Interior Design. I loved it which is good since that is my degree. I am really enjoying school even though it takes up most of my evenings after Wyatt goes to bed. Toby is doing more of the core classes right now so I know he is not quite as pumped as I am. He will be there soon though. Wyatt is doing great! He is such a funny little guy. He has been learning new words almost daily for the last couple of weeks. He now says "no" but sings it over and over when he says it. It's so funny. He really is a smart and very good little boy. Tomorrow if the weather is nice we are taking Wyatt to the zoo. It should be fun b/c he has learned a lot about animals lately. He can make sounds for an owl, lion, monkey, cow and sheep. He loves owls right now and we plan to take him to see the new owl movie that just came out. He says owl "odwl"...it's very cute. We haven't done a whole lot lately, just the daily grind and a few trips to the park to play. The weather is getting colder here and fall has definitely set in. We broke out Wyatt's footy pj's the other night. I refuse to turn the heat on yet and it's been a bit cold in here at night. I'm looking forward to Halloween this year. Our neighborhood gets lots of trick or treaters which is always fun. Well, not much else to update I guess...hope everyone else is doing good.

Grief...

After being off of anti-depressants for 7 months, I am back on them. I won't go in to detail but the last two months have been hell. I have felt completely out of control of my emotions and like I am going crazy. It has been an up and down battle since I had Wyatt. I went to the doctor at the beginning of this month thinking maybe my thyroid was off since the pregnancy but my thyroid is fine. So, I started seeing a therapist last week and she brought up something in our conversation that I had never thought of. I really struggled the first 8 or 9 months when Wyatt was born. I was emotionally a mess. My dr and I thought it was postpartum depression and he put me on meds which really helped me be able to function. However, I still had a hard time connecting and bonding with Wyatt. I knew I loved him but I just didn't feel this really close bond. It wasn't until he was closer to his first birthday that I started to feel this way. I started feeling a butterfly in my chest when I would be with him, something I hadn't felt before. Well starting about two months ago, I became an emotional wreck again. Most of the time, the butterfly in my chest was gone. I would cry anytime for no reason and I was completely unreasonable and a wreck. My therapist pointed out that maybe I'm not really over my grieving period yet from losing the boys. It makes sense b/c the first outbreak occurred right after Wyatt was born and the second one was soon after we got back from Ireland. I thought the Ireland trip was very healing and it was so wonderful to see/meet Karen finally. However, maybe it did bring up some unresolved feelings. That would also explain why I may have had a hard time feeling like I was bonding with Wyatt. I'm really hoping these therapy sessions will help me. I can see a lot of positive things that have happened because the boys were in our lives for such a short time. But I also feel sometimes that I wish they had never been born because things would have been so much easier. It's a battle and I think in some ways it always will be.

I will leave you with one of my favorite poems:

Lifetime Wish
If we could have one lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
for yesterday and both of you.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we have tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we have cried...
You've left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
we only wanted both of you.

Breastfeeding thoughts...

Since Wyatt was born, I have felt the need over and over again to explain why I stopped breastfeeding Wyatt after 4 weeks. What I hate about it is that I shouldn't have to explain. No matter the reason was it was Toby and I's decision, bottom line. People (and not all) make me feel like I just made up excuses or just didn't want to do it. Honestly it wasn't the best thing in the world but if I could have I would have. First, I was not producing enough milk. I know what you are thinking or saying if you are one of those people who try to make me feel bad for stopping. I tried...I tried expressing, pumping, etc. I just wasn't producing enough to make him full. I personally think there is a reason for this. I ended up on anti depression meds for postpartum depression. I think my depression which also meant I was not eating healthy or at all sometimes was partial cause for my lack of producing. I was seriously going crazy before I got on meds and even somewhat after the meds. It took until Wyatt was 9 months old before I could go off of them. I tried at 4 months, 7 months and then at 9 months. I think at 7 months I made it about a week before I started sobbing again. I would just sob uncontrollably. I couldn't function, etc. I had horrible thoughts about Wyatt (not about harming just that I didn't feel connected with him, etc) and that would lead me to sobbing more. At times, I wished he had never been born. I was an absolute mess! Obviously, if you know me, you know I am absolutely in love with my son. That person was not me and I am so glad I am over that. So, I guess what I am getting at is that if a mom says she isn't bf or stopped, don't judge her! Please!! Looking back now, I would have supplemented the bottle with at least one breastfeeding a day but I was just so completely out of it and not thinking straight. At least he got 4 weeks worth and he is healthy and happy now. That's all that counts. That being said, below is a quote from online source that I found about ppd and breastfeeding....

"Bottle-feeding and formula might not be as super-awesome-fantastic as breastmilk, but they're certainly pretty good, and if it comes to a toss-up between giving your child the best nutrition and losing your mind, or giving your child excellent nutrition and maintaining your sanity, well, the choice should be pretty straightforward. You can't take care of that baby if you're sobbing, helpless, in a corner. Better to get some rest and slip her an occasional - even a frequent - bottle than to sacrifice yourself at the altar of Breast Is Best.

Breast is best, but healthy, happy moms are better."

4th of July weekend

We had a fabulous weekend...Toby gets every other weekend off and it just so happened that he had the 4th weekend off. I went out on Thursday night for a few hours with my neighbor. We went to a bar called Poopy's and watched a band play. On Friday night, it was the monthly mom's night out. This time we went to the comedy club. It was pretty fun. Saturday night we decided to take Wyatt camping for the first time. We have a very nice state park right in town so we took him there in case we had to leave and come home. Well, he LOVED it! We ate dinner at the park restaurant. Then we took him to the playground. Walking back to our campsite, we met our camping neighbors. They had a 7 yr old girl. Wyatt and her became friends and she took his hand and off they went. So, we hung out with them for awhile. They were a very interesting couple and enjoyable to hang out with. Wyatt finally fell asleep in my arms so back to our campsite we went. We put him in the tent and Toby and I stayed up to play some farkle. He woke up once and when I unzipped the tent and popped my head in, he laughed. I guess he thought it was funny that my head just popped in. After that, he was asleep til 5am. Luckily, we got him to go back to sleep and then we all slept til 8:45! By that time, we were roasting in the tent too. We got up, made breakfast and then headed home. I'm so glad he liked camping since Toby and I love it. We just took a lazy day for the 4th. That evening though we went with our neighbors to their friends trailer on the Rock River. They do fireworks in Prophetstown on the river which is just down the road from us. Wyatt had a lot of fun running around there and helping us play bags. He fell asleep before the fireworks started but he woke up shortly before they began. He just sat there and watched them. I'm sure next summer he'll be a bit more enthused. We headed home after the fireworks so we could get the wee man to bed. We were both tired yesterday after a busy weekend but we had a lot of fun. Below are a few pics from the weekend.


I love this one! This was on the 4th just before the fireworks started.







My boys sleeping in the tent.

Potty training breakthrough today!

Potty training at it's finest, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

Wyatt decided to surprise me today. I have been working on potty training him, not hard core but I put him on the potty at least once a day. Well, this morning I said to him "Wyatt let's go potty". And he went straight to the bathroom door. I was shocked and thrilled. He doesn't actually 'go' on the potty very often but the fact that he is correlating these together is great. He sat on the potty two more times today and both times he went straight to the bathroom when I told him "let's go potty". He almost went on the potty once today if I could have gotten the diaper off fast enough but I was too slow. So, I just set him, diaper and all on the potty and told him "go potty" so at least he still got the idea...lol.

Also, tonight at bedtime I told Wyatt, "let's go night night". He put his head down on the pillow on the ground. Once again that surprised me as he has never shown that he understands what night night means. Then I went to go pick him up and he wouldn't let me. Instead he walked into his room and to his crib and pulled on the bars as if he wanted in. I couldn't believe he did both of these today!! What a little smarty pants...What's next?!

Update...

P1110579, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

Last night, Toby and I enjoyed an evening out without Wyatt. It was really nice to be out alone. We went to a Mexican restaurant, El Feria, that we hadn't been to yet. It was pretty good but El Toro in Clinton is still my fav. one around here so far. Then we headed back to Morrison and went to the three bars that are here in town...lol. We met one of our neighbors last night which was also nice.

Wyatt has become a climbing fool lately. He climbs on everything that he can. I had to include this pic of him. We were grilling out one night and he figured out how to climb up on to his picnic table. Wyatt and I go for walks around Morrison almost every evening that it's nice out. The other night he actually fell asleep in his stroller-which is very unlike him. Toby and I had the discussion last night about whether or not moving here was the right decision and we both feel that it was. In Nashville, I wouldn't feel comfortable walking around with just Wyatt like I do here. I even put a $20 in my pocket the other night to walk to the grocery store...that's something we never did in Nashville. Plus in reality, Toby and I would have only had 3 hrs every week day to spend with Wyatt after getting home from work. I can't imagine what a different child he might be if he had been with his sitter all day 5 days a week. I know we have made the right decision...There are advantages to living in the city but with Wyatt, the advantages of living in a small town out weigh those by far.

Toby and I are still going to college. It's been an adjustment since Toby started his new job to make the time for school but we are getting it down slowly. Toby is now working at Sullivans where I work. He is the night manager. It's pretty nice so far and he likes the job (far better than the other two he had here). I think this will be a job he can be happy with until he graduates from college. He has every other weekend off which is great. I know he is enjoying the 4 min commute to work as well.

Well...guess there's not much more to update here and Wyatt's about to wake up from his nap.

Ireland Trip

P1110354, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

Well, we made it back! We got back Sunday night and we are still trying to adjust to our time again, especially Wyatt. The poor guy is still pretty confused. He did very well on the whole trip considering the 6 hr time difference.

Meeting Karen was almost indescribable. I didn't realize that I still had some healing to do until I met her. We shared stories (in person finally!), pictures and memorial books of our boys. It was on this trip that I found the words to describe Waylon and Jesse coming into my life. I will never be happy that they died but I am very happy with what they have done with my life. The people I have met and choices I have made since they died have put me in a very good place in my life. Toby and I have discussed Godparents for Wyatt but could never decide who. We both knew after meeting them that Karen and Gavin were the ones, they just fit. Of course, they accepted. Hopefully that will never be but just in case I know my Wyatt will be in wonderful hands.

The trip itself was great. We got to see a lot of Northern Ireland considering we had a 1 yr old and 6 month old with us. It really is a beautiful country. I was in awe when we were standing on a cliff looking down at the sea and up at the rolling green hills. It was just magnificent.

Unfortunately, shortly after meeting Karen and Gavin we were also told that Toby's grandma died. We knew that she would probably pass while we were there. She was buried on Wed and we felt bad that we could not be there for her and the family. But in a way I found comfort that on the day she was buried, I was amongst some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen. I like to think she had something to do with us being there on that day.

We also visited the boys' (Odrahn & Daire) grave. It was very emotional to be standing there with Karen finally. A lot of emotions went through me and poured out through my eyes. We just stood there hugging for what seemed like an eternity. Without them and my twins, I would not have been standing there at that moment with someone I had just physically met days before and yet feel like I have known for a lifetime. We would not have taken this wonderful trip to see Ireland. As time passes on, I can see their (twins) plan and it was/is so much bigger than we could see through our grief.

They are already planning on coming in about two summers to visit us. I have already begun our Ireland trip fund. They have promised next time we'll be taking the tents and heading to Southern Ireland to camp. I can't wait!!

The Reason I'm called Mom...

I am called Mom for three reasons, Jesse, Waylon and Wyatt.




Several years ago if you asked me what being a mom was, I would have had a completely different answer. And even 2 years ago I had a difference answer. Then it was a mixture of emotions and thoughts after the twins died but before Wyatt was born. I was a mom but I was not a parent. To me, being a parent is a verb. It's how you raise your child. I mothered my twins but did not have them around to be a parent to. This year, after raising Wyatt for a year, my answer to what it's like being a mom is completely different. It is the most rewarding job ever! I think I am lucky too in that Wyatt is a happy little guy most of the time. I truly enjoy being a mom in every sense. Here are just a few things that I like about being a mom to Wyatt...

I like that I can hula hoop in a store and he laughs like it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. Or that smelling his stinky feet after I take his shoes off makes him laugh. When his teeth hurt and after giving him orajel and tylenol, holding him is what comforts him. Telling him to dance and then watching as he tries to wiggle his body all about with no rhythm whatsoever. Watching him crawl through a box over and over that to most people would be trash, but to Wyatt it's the best toy ever! Lastly, one of my favorite things is chasing Wyatt through the house. He loves to chase me just as much!

Happy Mother's Day to me and all the other Moms!!

Wyatt is 1!

Yesterday, Wyatt turned 1! I still remember last year like it was yesterday. Toby came home from work on my b-day and I told him that we may be heading to the hospital soon. I was in a fair amount of pain but I wanted to celebrate my b-day first. So, he went and got pizza and pop and brought it home b/c I was in too much pain to go out in public. We ate our dinner and within an hour we were headed for the hospital. They got me all hooked up and were just waiting to see what happened. Toby brought the computer and was watching a baseball game. The nurse came in and we were all talking about baseball when my water broke...Finally, it was time! This was about 8pm and Wyatt decided to arrive just 15 min after my b-day.

We have had a lot of fun this last year...he is a joy to be around (most of the time -lol). He has been walking for two months now. He has a few words he can say or at least we know he is trying to say them, kitty, doggy, good job, turtle, duck, mama, dad-da, and Dora. He is absolutely in love with Dora. He is eating mostly table food now. He still gets a morning bottle and occasionally baby food. He switched over to milk/sippy cup without much problems. He is a very active and happy little guy. He will sit and watch tv but other than that he is pretty much on the go.

He loves to be outside. Toby and I took him hiking at our local state park. It's a very nice park and I can't wait til we can take him camping there this summer for his first time. Below are a few pics of our hike.

We had his first b-day party last weekend so my brother and his family could come. He had a Dora/baseball theme since those are the two things he likes most. He did very well at his smash cake and make a nice mess of himself. We then went to Happy Joe's Pizza for dinner. We came home about 6:30 and he went to sleep as soon as we got home. He slept until morning, guess we wore him out good!

I'm looking forward to this summer and all the things we can do outside. Next month, we are going to Ireland! I can't wait!!! Wyatt is going with us so it will be interesting to see how he does on the plane and how he adjusts to the time change. It will be so great to finally meet Karen and her family after talking with her online for three years now. And...the other day, the last TTTS mom that I still talk to had her baby girl. Now Karen, Rochelle, Andrea, Sara and I all have gone on to have healthy babies! I'm so happy for all of us to be able to have another chance.

So...here are some pics from the last month or so.





Not the most flattering pic of Wyatt but I still think this is cute. This is his cousin Jake.

Playing chase

Playing chase, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

Wyatt's favorite game is to play chase around the house. I ran into the kitchen and hid and waited for him. This is him finding me around the corner...