happy tears...

Probably only those that have lost a baby would understand how and what I have been through. I have only had a few sad moments since I have been pregnant. They usually only last an hour or so, something that has drastically changed since they were born. In the beginning, if I was having a bad moment it may have lasted days. Now it only lasts a few hours or minutes. The sad moments I have had have mostly been just feelings of missing my boys. I will never get to see them live and hit all the milestones that should make a parent smile. Well, today I was just thinking about Wyatt coming, rubbing my belly and watching him kick where I was rubbing. I started to tear up but this time it was happy tears. It's the first time that my tears during this pregnancy have been happy tears. I told Wyatt things are going to be different this time. I know this b/c even if he was born now he would most likely live. I hate to think that way but I can't help it. I have one more week and I will have made it to week 30. I think my goal after that is to make it to 34. I'm visiting my ob every 2 weeks now. I can't explain how awesome of a doctor he is. He has made this whole pregnancy much easier on me. I was coming every two weeks for almost two months in the beginning and getting ultrasounds done each time. It was so reassuring every time to see him looking so perfect on the screen. Toby and I are both getting so excited with each week that passes. And at the same time looking at each other and saying "shit...what did we do?" I think these are the feelings that most first time parents have but instead the first time we were so stressed out by the fact that we didn't know how we were going to pay for child care, living expenses and just taking care of two babies. Our child birth teacher told us something last week that I think Toby and I plan to take full advantage of (sorry parents). She said that right after our babies are born, not to run out and tell everyone in the waiting room. She said to take an hour or so and just spend some time with the three of us. I think that is a wonderful idea and especially after the boys I would love to have those first few moments with Wyatt just between Toby and I.

I can't wait to meet this little boy who has been kicking away inside of me...