Thoughts...

So I went to the dr the other day for my annual ob appointment. It would be the last time I would see my ob doctor. I love him and his staff. They are all so wonderful and I will truly miss them. Of all the things that have happened in the time that we lived in Nashville this man was a part of the two biggest things that happened to me. The birth and death of Waylon and Jesse and the birth of Wyatt. He was actually not my doctor when I was pregnant with the twins. But, when I went in and was in labor with them my doctor was out of town and he was on call. His bedside manner was the best. He also ended up taking care of me the two times I had to come in after I had the boys. I ended up switching to him. He was so wonderful throughout this pregnancy. Every concern or problem I had he took seriously. He acted upon it immediately instead of just waiting to see. I told him it would almost be worth moving back here for 9 months if and when we decide to have another baby. In a way, I am almost serious. I just hope I can find a great doctor back in Illinois. I'm sure I will but Dr. Davidson will always hold a special place in my heart. Sounds cheesy but it's true.

I've also been having a hard time lately dealing with the boys and Wyatt. It still hurts very much to see all the nieces playing happily together. I can't help to think of how my two boys should be shoving them or playing with them. The girls all dressed up as princesses when they went to Gran Mary's last time. I pictured my boys trying to take down the princess tent or dressing as pirates and getting the girls. Who knows, maybe they would have wanted to be princesses too-haha.

I know it is going to be a life long struggle. Sometimes it is easier than other times. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all, it is very unpredictable. I just have to learn how to deal with it...