Six Flags & psychic

We went to Six Flags last weekend in Lousiville. We had a great time. We got there right when the park opened and we made it to 5 rollercoasters in 30 min! We ended up leaving early because there were no lines and we got through all the rides we wanted to go on and then some.

count down is on....1 month til we start trying for a sister/brother for Waylon and Jesse.

I went to a psychic on the boys' due date last summer. She told me some eerie stuff. She asked if I lost a baby when I asked her about my future with children. I told her I lost twins. She said I would have two boys and a girl. I didn't get if that was living children or total. She told me some more things that were dead on so I really think this time around we are going to have a little girl. I guess time will tell. She also told me that one of the twins...a boy (I didn't tell her what sex they were just that I had twins), his soul was going to come back in our next child. hhhhmmmmm.....

Kendra

Scared, anxious, nervous, sad, happy, fear, confused, wishful...

These are all words that describe how I feel about trying again for a baby. The plan is to start trying next month. We have a few more things to finish up and a trip to Six Flags to squeeze in before we can't go for several years again. I feel obsessed with being pregnant. It's so near and yet it feels like the time to pee on a stick and see two lines will never come again. I CAN'T WAIT! I have so many mixed emotions. I love my sons but I want to hold a child of mine so bad. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is to see a pregnant woman or a small baby and not just stare with jealousy. It's been over a year and I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of them. I still cry for them. One difference now is that I am happy when I talk about them. I just wish I could have stopped time the moment that I had them in my arms forever. I am so glad we have pictures of them, ultrasound videos and videos of each of them kicking me. These were little things then but they are priceless now. I even have the cd of all their pictures and the ultrasound video in my lock box. They are the only things that I have of them and will have forever. I want a new pregnancy and a new baby(ies). I don't want to replace Jesse and Waylon but I want the joys of knowing what it is like to be a mom to a take home baby. I dream about the day I come home from the hospital with a baby in my arms. The memory of coming home childless will haunt me forever I think. No mother (or father) should ever have to face that. I know the possibility of having twins again is there. In one way I want that (but not the pregnancy). I think I would be scared shitless to be pregnant with twins again. But, I want to see and experience all the things that were ripped away from us. But even being pregnant with one I will be scared. I will be scared, anxious, nervous, sad, happy, fearful, confused and wishful for 9 whole months. I apologize in advance to everyone if I drive you crazy. Poor Toby might need some help and support as well to be able to put up with a crazy pregnant wife who is...well...hormonal and just plain crazy.

Kendra