Breastfeeding thoughts...

Since Wyatt was born, I have felt the need over and over again to explain why I stopped breastfeeding Wyatt after 4 weeks. What I hate about it is that I shouldn't have to explain. No matter the reason was it was Toby and I's decision, bottom line. People (and not all) make me feel like I just made up excuses or just didn't want to do it. Honestly it wasn't the best thing in the world but if I could have I would have. First, I was not producing enough milk. I know what you are thinking or saying if you are one of those people who try to make me feel bad for stopping. I tried...I tried expressing, pumping, etc. I just wasn't producing enough to make him full. I personally think there is a reason for this. I ended up on anti depression meds for postpartum depression. I think my depression which also meant I was not eating healthy or at all sometimes was partial cause for my lack of producing. I was seriously going crazy before I got on meds and even somewhat after the meds. It took until Wyatt was 9 months old before I could go off of them. I tried at 4 months, 7 months and then at 9 months. I think at 7 months I made it about a week before I started sobbing again. I would just sob uncontrollably. I couldn't function, etc. I had horrible thoughts about Wyatt (not about harming just that I didn't feel connected with him, etc) and that would lead me to sobbing more. At times, I wished he had never been born. I was an absolute mess! Obviously, if you know me, you know I am absolutely in love with my son. That person was not me and I am so glad I am over that. So, I guess what I am getting at is that if a mom says she isn't bf or stopped, don't judge her! Please!! Looking back now, I would have supplemented the bottle with at least one breastfeeding a day but I was just so completely out of it and not thinking straight. At least he got 4 weeks worth and he is healthy and happy now. That's all that counts. That being said, below is a quote from online source that I found about ppd and breastfeeding....

"Bottle-feeding and formula might not be as super-awesome-fantastic as breastmilk, but they're certainly pretty good, and if it comes to a toss-up between giving your child the best nutrition and losing your mind, or giving your child excellent nutrition and maintaining your sanity, well, the choice should be pretty straightforward. You can't take care of that baby if you're sobbing, helpless, in a corner. Better to get some rest and slip her an occasional - even a frequent - bottle than to sacrifice yourself at the altar of Breast Is Best.

Breast is best, but healthy, happy moms are better."

4th of July weekend

We had a fabulous weekend...Toby gets every other weekend off and it just so happened that he had the 4th weekend off. I went out on Thursday night for a few hours with my neighbor. We went to a bar called Poopy's and watched a band play. On Friday night, it was the monthly mom's night out. This time we went to the comedy club. It was pretty fun. Saturday night we decided to take Wyatt camping for the first time. We have a very nice state park right in town so we took him there in case we had to leave and come home. Well, he LOVED it! We ate dinner at the park restaurant. Then we took him to the playground. Walking back to our campsite, we met our camping neighbors. They had a 7 yr old girl. Wyatt and her became friends and she took his hand and off they went. So, we hung out with them for awhile. They were a very interesting couple and enjoyable to hang out with. Wyatt finally fell asleep in my arms so back to our campsite we went. We put him in the tent and Toby and I stayed up to play some farkle. He woke up once and when I unzipped the tent and popped my head in, he laughed. I guess he thought it was funny that my head just popped in. After that, he was asleep til 5am. Luckily, we got him to go back to sleep and then we all slept til 8:45! By that time, we were roasting in the tent too. We got up, made breakfast and then headed home. I'm so glad he liked camping since Toby and I love it. We just took a lazy day for the 4th. That evening though we went with our neighbors to their friends trailer on the Rock River. They do fireworks in Prophetstown on the river which is just down the road from us. Wyatt had a lot of fun running around there and helping us play bags. He fell asleep before the fireworks started but he woke up shortly before they began. He just sat there and watched them. I'm sure next summer he'll be a bit more enthused. We headed home after the fireworks so we could get the wee man to bed. We were both tired yesterday after a busy weekend but we had a lot of fun. Below are a few pics from the weekend.


I love this one! This was on the 4th just before the fireworks started.







My boys sleeping in the tent.