Happy 2nd Birthday Waylon & Jesse!

Happy 2nd Birthday Waylon & Jesse!, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

Wow...I can't believe tomorrow will be their 2nd birthday. I really can't imagine how crazy our life would be right now if we had two 2 year olds running around and driving us crazy. I also wouldn't be pregnant with Wyatt now. So obviously I have mixed emotions about the whole thing but given the situation I am very happy that I have Wyatt. 2 years has dulled the pain but I still wish and want for them to be here. Sometimes it feels like a dream. I'm so glad we got photos and got to hold them. I don't think it would feel real at all if we didn't have that. I'm really curious to see if Wyatt looks anything like his brothers. Someday when the time is right Wyatt will learn of his two cowboy brothers in heaven. I'm also so grateful to have met two other moms of ttts angels, Andrea and Karen. They have done so much for me over the last two years. I don't know where I would be mentally without them.

I keep dreaming about leaving the hospital with Wyatt. I don't think I could leave the hospital again empty handed even if it is because he has to spend a few days in the nicu. It is the one thing that has haunted me over the last two years-going to the hospital to give birth and then walking out and getting in the car like nothing happened. I still remember the ride home was so very eerie and silent. BUT this time around I will be sitting in the back staring every second at our beautiful little cowboy. I guess maybe someday we'll need a cowgirl...maybe...

A big Happy Birthday to my boys!

I may be on official "maternity leave"

So, I get 16 weeks of maternity leave and I really didn't want to have to use any of it before Wyatt was born. BUT I am completely miserable. Since week 30 (3 1/2 weeks ago) I have been having regular contractions (4-6 min apart) on and off. I am on procardia to help the contractions. It did help at first and then I was only taking it when I would have episodes of close contractions. On Friday we went back to the dr thinking this was really it. I was having cramps and a backache along with the contractions that were 4 min apart. But, nope he wants to stay a bit longer. I have been taking the medication non-stop since Friday and the contractions haven't really let up at all. They might for a few hours here and there but that is it. Apparently I have an irritated uterus...but it is irritating me! I worked yesterday and it was hard. But today was just miserable. I was having contractions every couple of minutes all day. I check patients out of their dr. appts and while I can sit a lot I also have to get up and done to put paper work back for patients, etc. My co-workers have helped but they can't always be there to do it for me every time. I feel like I will be a pro when it comes time for Wyatt to actually come. I have walked, talked and sat up and down through some pretty strong contractions. Anyways, I am taking Wed, Thurs and Fri off of work. I have my next dr's appt on Friday so I am going to wait and see what he says and to see if I am dilated anymore. I may or may not go back to work on Monday. I really didn't want to leave this early but I am just miserable at work. At least at home I can decide when to move around and I won't have patients staring impatiently at me!

33 week belly video

33 week belly video, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

I caught Wyatt on video moving around like crazy. Watch where I put my finger on my belly. Each movement gets bigger and bigger.

so ready for this pregnancy to be over

I'm not miserable, physically. BUT I am so sick and tired of these contractions. It all started just over two weeks ago with contractions that were 4-5 min apart. We got medication for me to take whenever I have these contractions. We went back to the dr today b/c this morning I was having contractions. But this time I was having back pain and menstrual like cramping. It was more like when I was in labor with the twins. Once again, it was a false alarm. The dr did say I was dilated to about 1cm. But that can stay for a day or weeks. Wyatt is also moving down a bit which I have noticed b/c I can breathe easier. They did the fibronectin test again today and it came back negative so we have 2 more weeks (probably) before I really need to worry about Wyatt coming. However, these contractions I am having today just don't want to let up all the way even with the medication. They are definitely not as close and as strong as they were this morning but they are still here. I am so sick and tired of looking at a clock all the time timing the contractions and waiting to see if they get consistent or go away on their own. I had a round yesterday that lasted about an hour and then they just went away as quick as they came. I want Wyatt to arrive safe and sound and screaming but I also want this pregnancy to end. Other than the consistent contractions I really do enjoy being pregnant. I have a day here and there where I am miserable but overall I feel pretty good. In fact I feel better at week 33 than I did in my middle 20's. I've also been sleeping pretty good lately.

I'm getting very anxious to meet him and see what he looks like. We haven't had an ultrasound since week 20 so I don't even really have a sneek peak at what he might look like now. But I guess I will just have to continue being patient.

All this for $30

All this for $30, originally uploaded by kkirk78.

I had to post this for those that coupon....I bought this stuff a few weeks ago. This last week I got 15 boxes of multi grain cheerios for just over $12 (including the price of the coupon). They were on sale for $1.67 a box and I bought 15 coupons off ebay for 50cents off which doubles at Kroger. So, my boxes of cheerios were 67cents a piece.

What I got in the photo...
I had such a good shopping trip last night that I had to brag. I got the 3 baby wipes and 4 bath washes at CVS and paid $15 and got $5 ecb back. Then at Kroger I got 6 boxes of triscuits, 7 cans of tomatoes, 2 cans of chili, 2 cans of mushrooms, milk, 2 boxes of popcorn, 2 pkg's of shredded cheese, 1 pkg of cheese slices, bag of onions and 1 green pepper and paid $15. Even the cashier looked at it and said "wow". I had saved $40 using the Kroger card and coupons.

Thought Wyatt was coming today...

So, I guess we had our first false alarm today. I will be 31 weeks on Saturday. I woke up and rode the city bus to work today. I usually keep a mental track of when I have contractions. Well, I noticed after having four of them that it was within an hour (the time it takes me to ride the bus to work). So, I started keeping track of them. All morning they were pretty irregular but I was having them quite frequently. At about 10am, my boss took me to lay down in an exam room for awhile. So I laid there on my left side, drinking lots of water and writing down every time I had a contraction. They started coming about every 10 min and were actually getting a little stronger. I called Toby and asked him to come pick me up so we could head over to the dr. Of course my dr is out of the office til Tuesday so I had to see the on call dr. It took about an hour to get in and by this time my contractions were very regular and coming every 5-6 min. I thought for sure he was going to look at my cervix, tell me I was dilating and send me to the hospital. But...he said my cervix looked good. They did a test called fetal fibronectin that can tell you if you may go into labor within the next week or two. If it comes back negative you have a 1% chance of going into labor soon. He also said it looked like I might have an infection which he said could be the source of my contractions. So, he gave me a prescription for the infection and one that would slow my contractions down. We headed to the pharmacy and I took the pill immediately. That was about 3pm and within a couple of hours I was down to just a few, less intense contractions. They called just after 4pm to say that the fibronectin test had come back negative. So it looks like this is our first false alarm. I have to say I am very glad Wyatt wants to stay a bit longer. While I know he could survive I'm just not quite ready-nor do I want to deal with the nicu.

happy tears...

Probably only those that have lost a baby would understand how and what I have been through. I have only had a few sad moments since I have been pregnant. They usually only last an hour or so, something that has drastically changed since they were born. In the beginning, if I was having a bad moment it may have lasted days. Now it only lasts a few hours or minutes. The sad moments I have had have mostly been just feelings of missing my boys. I will never get to see them live and hit all the milestones that should make a parent smile. Well, today I was just thinking about Wyatt coming, rubbing my belly and watching him kick where I was rubbing. I started to tear up but this time it was happy tears. It's the first time that my tears during this pregnancy have been happy tears. I told Wyatt things are going to be different this time. I know this b/c even if he was born now he would most likely live. I hate to think that way but I can't help it. I have one more week and I will have made it to week 30. I think my goal after that is to make it to 34. I'm visiting my ob every 2 weeks now. I can't explain how awesome of a doctor he is. He has made this whole pregnancy much easier on me. I was coming every two weeks for almost two months in the beginning and getting ultrasounds done each time. It was so reassuring every time to see him looking so perfect on the screen. Toby and I are both getting so excited with each week that passes. And at the same time looking at each other and saying "shit...what did we do?" I think these are the feelings that most first time parents have but instead the first time we were so stressed out by the fact that we didn't know how we were going to pay for child care, living expenses and just taking care of two babies. Our child birth teacher told us something last week that I think Toby and I plan to take full advantage of (sorry parents). She said that right after our babies are born, not to run out and tell everyone in the waiting room. She said to take an hour or so and just spend some time with the three of us. I think that is a wonderful idea and especially after the boys I would love to have those first few moments with Wyatt just between Toby and I.

I can't wait to meet this little boy who has been kicking away inside of me...